Chapter 8: Cries
At dinner, we are in silence while eating our food. No one dared to break the tranquility engulfing the whole dining area. All we could hear was the sound coming from our utensils-fork, and spoon hitting the plate. Our breathing is being controlled, avoiding creating any sound. I looked at Aisle beside me then glanced at Helena afterward. I saw her pointing my daughter using her lips so I arched my brow. Giving her my what-look. She rolled her eyes and then turned her focus on her food again. I even heard her breathe, deep and hard which followed by mine.
I once again locked my gaze to Aisle. She’s busy spooning the rice in her plate and then silently bringing it to her mouth. “Baby…” finally, I was able to break the silence. “Do you love the food?” I added, trying to create conversation.
She simply looked me up and then brought down her eyes again. I don’t like to think that she is avoiding me but her actions say it. Her eyes seem to avoid mine and it makes me worried. Especially when she didn’t answer my question.
“Baby…” I hold her hand. “Is there something wrong? You know you can tell it to me… to your Mama Helena,” I insisted.
She breathes out. I thought that she will be going to answer finally but then, I got panicked when she suddenly burst out crying. I hurriedly lifted my butt out of my chair and drew nearer her so I could stop her but it was futile.
“Hey… why are you crying,” I asked. Helena is being confused too. “Aisle baby… don’t cry.” I caressed her back and then bring her to my arms.
When I already carrying her, I turned to see Helena and signed her that we will just go to the bedroom. She nodded so I went inside our room. There, I laid Aisle on the bed and laid too just beside her. She instantly hugged me sideways while still sobbing. Compare to earlier, her cries became calmer but despite that, I can’t still calm myself. Seeing her crying makes me worried as fuck.
“Tell mommy what’s your problem, baby.” I brushed her hair gently.Material © NôvelDrama.Org.
She sniffed. “Mommy…” she trailed, gripping tight on my waist. “Mommy… I envy them,” she added, sobbing.
My brow rose. “Envy who?” I inquired.
“My c–classmates…” she startled. Her sob was then followed by her little hiccups. “I want to have what they have, Mommy.”
I didn’t answer. Confused about what she is referring to.
“Mommy.” She lifted her head on me. There, I met her tearful and swollen eyes. “I want to have a father. I want my father, M–Mommy,” her voice broke.
My reaction was as fast as lightning. My jaw instantly dropped as I heard her words. As I heard what just she said.
“My classmates always bragged their fathers to me. They always told me that they have a father. They have a loving daddy while me… I have none. I want a Dada too, Mommy. Please, give me one,” she pleaded between her tears.
I wasn’t able to speak. My brain can’t process properly. Shocked just hit me, damn hard! I don’t know what to do? What to say? I really don’t know!
“You w–want a Dada?” I asked. Though it was clear enough to me, I wanted to make it clearer.
Aisle nodded. “Yes, Mommy… I want a Dada. Can you give one?” If she’s only asking for another pair of shoes or another toy… I can easily give it to her. But in this case, she’s asking me a very difficult one.
She is just asking for a father. For Pete’s sake… I don’t know how I can give her her father!
I stared at her, meeting her eyes that is waiting for my answer. I can see hope in her eyes. Hope that I can’t endure taking away from her. Years passed, Aisle didn’t ask me about her father. Even though I know that her action says that she look for her father, she didn’t bother to open a conversation about him. Just this time. And now, staring in her beautiful eyes… asking for a father… how can I take away that string of hope from her? It will surely break her heart.
I smiled. “Fine, I give you one.” How I wished that it was easy. That it was easy to give her a father when the truth is, it was beyond impossible.
Her father is ruthless. Rude. A monster. A beast that is need to be a cage. So, how the hell I can give Mr. Logan Ivanov to her. Plus the fact that… he didn’t recognize me as the woman he bedded years ago.
My gosh, Alice. You are really… really… fucked up!
I wait for Aisle to fall asleep before I went outside the room. In the living room, Helena is on the couch. Even though the television is open in front of her, I know that her focus wasn’t there but on me and my daughter. I headed to the kitchen and took a glass of cold water to calm my nerves down. Afterward, I joined her on the couch. She stared at me queryingly and then followed by her consecutive question.
“Aisle is okay now!” I declared, stopping her from firing me away from her questions.
She breathed in relief. “Thank God! I thought there is something really bad–”
“Unfortunately, there is,” I cut her off which makes her eyes go wide.
“What do you mean? What do you mean about bad? Is she injured or sick?”
“No!” I rolled my eyes. “She’s not injured nor sick. It just happened that she is asking for her father so it is bad for me,” I announced. I soon heard her curses after I dropped the bomb. As expected, she will be as shocked as me.
“Father?! Oh my God! So now, she is asking you for her father?”
“Yeah. It started when she heard us talking last time about her Dad. I was sending her to school that day when she suddenly asked about her father. I didn’t give her the right answer back then but now, seems like she can’t take it anymore. She just burst out crying, asking about a Dada. My God, Helena! I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Of course, you know!” she reasoned out which made me frown. “Come on, Alice… we all know that you are always with her father so what is the problem now? You don’t have to search for him ’cause destiny already takes its part. All you have to do is to move before it’s too late.”
I stared at her in disbelief. “Helena… it is not as simple as what you say,” I reasoned back. I brushed my hair frustratedly. “You know the status… the situation. Yeah, he is just one step closer to me. He is so near. I am always with him but how about his treatment towards me? For heaven’s sake, Helena. He can’t even recognize me!”
“Then what are you going to do? Let him treat you like how he treats you? Alice, he has a child on you… he has a responsibility on you and to her child. It is his right to know about Aisle. He has an obligation to you so whether he did not recognize you, whether he likes it or not… he must know and acknowledge Aisle as his child.” With that, Helena left me, heading towards the guestroom where she always sleeps when she’s staying.
I was left dumbfounded. The mouth is still open. The brain is still tangled. My heart still erratically beating. I am still holding my breath. Shock. Fear. Doubts. Different emotion is filling me already and I don’t know what to do anymore.
Holy Molly! My child is just asking for her father!
***
The next morning, unlike me, Aisle is back to her usual mood. She became energetic again unlike these past few days. While me, with the two heavy bags under my eyes, it tells that I don’t have enough sleep last night. My mind is so full for I get drowned in a deep sleep. It was already two in the morning when I luckily took a nap. Five in the morning, I have to get up and prepared breakfast. At seven, I arrived at the office. I silently celebrated when I came inside my office without the beast on his throne.
“What’s with the look, Alice?” I lifted my eyes on Betty who was drinking her morning coffee in front of me. I came with her when she asked me to go to the cafeteria. Since I felt so stressed, I also wanted to drink some cup of coffee again even though I just have one during breakfast.
“I have to finish some works the boss gave me,” I lied.
Betty grimaces as an answer. “I really don’t know why Mr. William choose him when it could be Mr. Lyndon. Imagine, my friend under Mr. Lyndon tells that he is a nice boss. Hmm, how I wished that Mr. Logan is as nice as his brother too.”
“As far as I remember, you praised him when he’s still new to his position. Now, you act like you are too disgusted with him.” I arched my brow.
Betty’s lips twitched. “I praised his looks, his body build. He is a total drop-dead gorgeous, Alice so who am I not to praise him? My point now is his attitude towards us… he is disgusting. I am disgusted by his attitude, Alice.”
“Who isn’t by the way.”
We chose to continue our coffee in the office instead. Fearing that the boss might think that we are late. At the office, I am just three seconds sitting on my chair when the door opened. Give me Logan in his usual business suit. His long hair is perfectly tied up into a bun. His perfect chiseled jawline shouts charisma plus the well-toned body of him that definitely a head-turner. In his looks, I know… every woman is having difficulty in ignoring his presence. He is a total distraction, big time!
“Done checking me out?” I was back to senses when his manly voice proudly chimed.
I darted my eyes to nowhere just to avoid his stares. “Good morning, Sir.” Good thing, I didn’t stammer. If ever I am, it was a total shame for my morning then
“Follow me inside, we have something to talk about,” he commanded before stepping inside his office. I was left confused about what he is talking about not until the memory of yesterday crept into my mind like a wildfire.
“Oh my God!” I mumbled, biting my nails suddenly.
I nervously walked inside. Both of my hands are on my back, clenched into tight balls. Every step I make to draw nearer his table is making my heart pound against my chest hard and heavy. Sucks, my ribcage hurts!
“Sit down,” he commanded which I quickly obliged.
He stood up from his swivel chair and then faced the outside view through the large glass window. I stared at his back which is now facing me. His suit is hugging his body tightly which highlights his well-defined body. From broad shoulders to back? Damn it!
“How was your relative?” he suddenly asked. My eyes went wide, staring at his back in shock.
“S–Sir?”
“How was your relative, Alice? You told me yesterday that she needed you so I am forced to gave you what you asked for. So, how was her now?”
I gulped, finding the right words to give to him. “Uhm… she is okay now.” Your daughter is okay now.
“Good then. There will be no disruption on your work now.”
Since he is facing back on me, I rolled my eyes freely. Damn him! My daughter is not a disturbance for me. His daughter is not!
“Thanks for giving me a half-day absence yesterday, Sir. It means a lot to me,” I thanked at least.
I heard him chuckle. “You don’t have to thank me, Alice. Just like what I have said yesterday on the phone, you need to pay me.” Then he twirled around with a grin creeping on his thin lips.
“Remember the condition, Alice… remember.”