37
Niccolo came to fetch me. He had the good sense to wait until I was all cried out, though it took nearly an hour for me to stop.
I was already dressed and lying on the bed when I heard a tap at the door. “Come in.”
Niccolo entered and stood there. He looked very sad.
“Are you sure?” he asked quietly.
“…yes.”
“It’s dangerous out there.”
“I’ll be fine,” I whispered.
“Alessandra ”
“I can’t stay here, not a minute longer,” I said, my voice hitching as the tears threatened to start again. “Not around Dario.”
“Let me send you somewhere else somewhere safe. Switzerland France anywhere in Europe you want to go ”
“I want to go home.”
He paused for a long moment before he said, “If they come for you… and it’s possible they may… there’s nothing I can do to save you. Do you understand?”
“Why would they come for me?”
Niccolo threw up his hands. “I don’t know. Maybe in retaliation for what happened that night in the cafe.”
“I had nothing to do with that.”
“I know that, but ”
“You can tell people that Dario brought me here to get information out of me… and you can say that he broke me.” I barely stopped a sob from escaping my throat. “And it will be the truth.”
“Alessandra…” Niccolo whispered.
“You’ve been kind to me, and I appreciate that.”
“Except for those threats the first night,” he reminded me with a playful smile.
I laughed in spite of myself.
“Except for those. But you’ve been kind to me ever since.” Then my expression changed, and tears filled my eyes. “Please… be kind to me once more… and let me go.”
Niccolo stood there a long time… and then he nodded.
“Do you have your things packed?”
The clothes Massimo had bought me in Florence had been left on the street when we ran from the gunmen.
I only had a few dresses I’d brought from home. If I took them with me, I would remember everything that had happened here.
Like Dario taking them off me…
And making love to me.
“You can burn them,” I said dully. “And all the memories they hold.”
Niccolo sighed heavily… then walked over to the bed, gave me a sad smile, and put out his arm.
I smiled sadly back at him… took his arm…
And he walked me out of the room.
All the brothers were waiting for me in the foyer
All except Dario.
At first I felt ashamed, like they were judging me…
And then I saw the sadness in their eyes as Niccolo walked me down the stairs.
Massimo was first.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “For saving my life.”
“I would do it a thousand times over.” He gave me a sad smile. “I had hoped… that you would be around for a long, long time to come.”
Tears welled up in my eyes as I smiled back. “So did I.”
Next was Roberto.
“We didn’t really get a chance to talk much,” he said awkwardly, “but you seem like a wonderful person. If there’s anything I can help you and your father with in the future… anything with business, anything with money, anything you need… please let me know.”
And he pressed a business card into my hand.
“Thank you,” I said, and I meant it.
Valentino was next. To my surprise, he reached out and hugged me.
“You’re a wonderful girl,” he said. “A wonderful woman.”
“Will you do me a favor?” I asked.
“What?”
“Try not to break Caterina’s heart.”
He smiled sadly. “I’ll do my best… I promise.”
Last up was Adriano. Alone out of all the brothers, he looked angry as I walked up to him but that was par for the course for him.
I looked at him, unsure what he would say or do
And then he said simply, “You deserve better than this.”
I started crying and smiled. “Thank you.”
Out of nowhere, he leaned forward and kissed my forehead like my father might have.
I don’t know why, but that affected me the most of all. Tears streamed down my face.
Lars was standing at the end of the line. He looked at me kindly and said, “I’ll be the one taking you home. Are you ready?”
I nodded.
He held the front door open.
I looked back at the brothers and smiled through my tears.
Thank you, I mouthed silently…
And then I walked out and left them behind forever.
Dario
I stood in her empty bedroom. The smell of her still lingered in the air.
Niccolo tapped on the door and walked in. “Well… she’s gone.”
I just nodded in silence.
“Why’d you let her go?” he asked.
“She wanted to leave.”
Niccolo gave a bitter laugh. “You weren’t so accommodating when she wanted to go to confession a week ago!”
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“HOW?! Explain it to me!”
I turned to face him. “What do you care? You didn’t want me bringing her here in the first place!”
“Well, it’s already done, so what does it matter what I wanted?”
“Maybe I finally decided to take my consigliere’s advice,” I said mockingly.
“Bullshit. Why can’t you just admit what’s going on?”
I turned away from him and said nothing.
“It’s obvious you’re in love with her, you fool,” Niccolo snapped. “I can see it everyone else sees it ”
“There’s no place for love in what we do,” I snarled. “Not in the life we lead.”
“Bullshit! You know Papa loved Mama ”
“That was a lifetime ago. It’s a different world now.”
“No, it isn’t!” Niccolo shouted. “We inherited it all the risks are the same, the violence is the same, the life-and-death choices are the same nothing’s different from what our family has faced for generations! So what are you so afraid of?!”
I paused for a second, then said, “Staying here will endanger her.”
“Too late! She’s already been in danger, and she came out the other side unharmed! That’s no reason. What the hell is really wrong?”
I didn’t answer.
“…you think it will make you weak if you love her,” Niccolo realized. “You’ve been don for three weeks, and you’re barely hanging on as it is… and you’re afraid if you stumble, if you make a mistake, then everything our family fought for will turn to dust… and it’ll be all your fault. That’s it, isn’t it? So you’re going to play the tragic hero, be miserable and alone, and carry the whole world on your shoulders.”
“Fuck you.”
“No, FUCK YOU. You’re my brother my family and you’re forgetting that we’re all in this together. We stand together, or we fall together but the important thing is we do it together. We do it so the family goes on and how can it go on if you refuse to love? If you refuse to take a wife and have children? Loving Alessandra will make you stronger, you idiot. You’ll have something greater than yourself to fight for.”
“I have the family to fight for ”
“There is no family if it ends with us!” Niccolo raged. “If we’re the last ones… if we die alone… then what the fuck did we sacrifice for? What the hell is it all worth if there isn’t anyone to share it with, to pass it all down to?”
When I didn’t answer, Niccolo shook his head. “You’re making a terrible mistake. I only hope you realize it in time.”
Then he turned and walked out of the room.
I stood there for a long moment…
And then I walked over to the wardrobe where her dresses were still hanging.
I pulled one off the hanger, held it to my face, and breathed deeply.
It smelled of her…
The scent of lilacs…
And the smell of her hair when it was warmed by the sun.
For a second, I imagined she was there with me…
That I hadn’t lost her…
And that everything might still be alright.
But then I opened my eyes…
And I was alone and miserable.
Just like Niccolo had said.